:-/Sometimes I wish things didn’t

:-/

Sometimes I wish things didn’t happen…

Just got home from watching X-men 2 and I’ve been thinking a lot about all the shit that’s happened in my life. I wish a majority of it didn’t happen, at least 70%. During my interview for the CSS position, they asked me “If you could go back in time and do one thing over again, what would it be and why?”. I couldn’t be honest with this answer because I would say “I would go back to the day I was born. I want to live my entire life again, I want to not make a lot of the decisions that I have made and now have to live with. I’ve made too many mistakes, hurt too many people, hurt myself one too many times, betrayed too many people’s trust, let myself down, disappointed others excessively… I want to start over.” If you were interviewing me for a supervisory position, would you hire me after that answer? Probably not. This is why I told them that I wish I would have started working at camp earlier because I’ve missed out on a lot of good times with the staff…

To add to an already declining break, I’m starting to miss all my friends…a lot… I want to be able to hang out with them just as if school was in session, but without the stress of classes and/or work. I’m missing them so much that I’m not looking forward to this summer at all. At the begining of the semester, I couldn’t wait for the camp season to start so I could work with the scouts and be with the staff…now I’m having my doubts. I don’t want to be that isolated from everyone. I mean, the summer distance is enough, but then add the inability to contact anyone 90% of that summer…that sucks badly. Ransburg is as much a part of me as my right hand, but I’m seriously thinking that it’s time for me to move on. I’m going to be graduating in a year and a half *crosses fingers* and I really have not had any on the job informatics type experience. I need to make butloads of money and take classes… I can’t do either of those from camp…

What I see out my window…
A broken tree, a storm tattered city… We were hit hard in the ville by the storms that passed through Indiana a couple days ago. It’s very windy and things are breaking. Maybe this is why it seems like my life is being turned upside down. Maybe it’s time for me to set sail with the winds of change and start a new path in my life… Maybe the winds that almost blew me off the road today and appeared as a nusiance are trying to send me a message. But then again, I don’t believe in omens, I don’t believe in fate… It can’t be either of those things.

Song of the day The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald – Gordon Lightfoot

Quote of the day “You can share a room with me. When I get lonely I just pound on the wall and say ‘Dustin, Dustin’ and it makes me feel better” – Laura…one of the people I’m actually looking forwrad to seeing this summer.

Mac Fund $456.24

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