My apology to you

For those times when I was an idiot and did some stupid things, I’m sorry. For any time I made you mad or upset you, I apologize. For the times when my actions were warranted, or when I got what I deserved, I am sorry. I am sorry that I made fun of you, teased you in front of my friends. I am sorry that I didn’t help you out when you were in dire need of assistance.

I apologize for helping you with your chores, for making your work easier, sharing your burdens. I am sorry that I helped you understand your homework. I should have known better, I should not have helped, and for that, I am sorry.

I am sorry that I called you up just because I needed to talk. I am sorry that I called to check up on you when you had a bad day. I am sorry that I enjoy your company and wish to have you around. I am sorry that I called because you were an hour late. I am sorry I ever worried about you, and sorry that I ever cared.

For when I was drunk and called you names, made a mess of your house, broke your window, drunk dialed you, drank your beer; I am sorry. For when I was sober when you were sick, wide awake when you were sleepy, asleep while you partied, made you stop drinking or pulled you off your “flavor of the night”; I apologize.

For when we were together, our first date, the first time we held hands, our first kiss, the nights we spent talking about everything and nothing, the times we played together in the rain, I am sorry. I am sorry for the times you stayed over, missed class to stay just a bit longer, the movies we watched together, the meals we shared, the inside jokes we had, the secrets we told.

I feel bad for lying to you, for keeping from you the things that you should have known, for keeping you in the dark when you should have seen the light. I am sorry that I mislead you, caused you to think better of me than you should, or even made you think better of yourself when you were down. When I gave you advice I should have thought twice.

For all the times I supported you when you were wrong, went to battle on your behalf when nobody else would, or when I stood by your side along with everyone else, I’m sorry. For when I disagreed with you when you were right and all those times when I was right and didn’t rub it in your face, I apologize.

For all the times I did rub my superiority in your face and all the times when I was wrong, but I insisted you follow me, I’m sorry. I feel bad for all the time of yours I wasted, and all the times that I let you waste mine. For all my stupid comments, for the witty ones you wish you could ignore, for the times I left you speechless and the times you wish I was, I am sorry.

I apologize for missing you, for wanting you back more and more each day. I’m sorry I didn’t say “I love you”. I am sorry for making you feel special and making you feel wanted. I’m sorry that I loved you. I’m sorry I devoted a part of my life to you. I’m sorry you devoted a part of your life to me.

I’m sorry that I kicked your dog, ran over your cat, fed your parrot rice, gave your snake to the neighbor’s hawk. I wish I had never broken your glasses, your lamp, your drinking glass, the window in your bedroom.

I am sorry for totaling your car on those wet and slippery roads and I’m sorry that you totaled mine. I am sorry for startling you in the dark and empty house. I am sorry that I wore the same outfit to the dance. I am sorry that I liked the same girl. I am sorry that I got the girl you wanted. I am sorry that I woke you up. I am sorry that we ever talked. I am sorry that we don’t talk.

I should never have done these things, and for all of them, I am sorry.

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